I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
