just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
