He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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