You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
