i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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