it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
