I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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