So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
