He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
