I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
