Welp...herpes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize