im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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