Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
