bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
