I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
