I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
