I looked at my own cervix.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
