Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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