Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
