My balls are so social today.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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