we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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