I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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