..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
