We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
