What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
