I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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