Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
