I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
