Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
