I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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