I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
