oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Vodka?
Forever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize