I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
