honey bunches of taint.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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