And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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