I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
