she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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