I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
