Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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