I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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