He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
