Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize