Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
