Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
