i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry about my life...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
