I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
