Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
