I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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