so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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