maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
