porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
