when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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