i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
