I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
