I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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