Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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