Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
