So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
