That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
