so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
