Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
