im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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