when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
