so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
