I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
