Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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