you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
