you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize